The glass is half full √
  • How to improve patient outcome and save $$$ in the process.
    • A mentor system in rehabilitation.
  • Everyone experiences it differently,...how is it for you?
  • "I wake up and smile - every morning."
  • (Melbourne I) The Four Stages of Rehabilitation.
  • (Melbourne II) Video of the presentation The Four Stages of Rehabilitation.
  • (Melbourne III) GRIEF.
  • ‘Political Correctness’ - good or bad?
  • Walking the Black Dog
  • Caregiving - or, everyone who does a job they never thought of doing.
  • Contact
  • About
  • Blog

Caregiving - or, everyone who does a job they never thought of doing.

14/12/2017

0 Comments

 
Full time; skills required: anything you can think of, multi-tasking compulsory; on call 24/7; not even minimum pay; no holidays; applicants must be able to cope in a busy job.
                                                                            
Would you answer a ‘Situations Vacant’ ad like this?                                                                          
Probably not. Yet, there are millions of people who do jobs like this. They are called caregivers. Not the professionals, but the family.
 
Only all too often family members who have taken on the role of caring for a loved one, do so at their own expense. They not only give money, but also energy. Sometimes too much energy. Unfortunately many caregivers forget that you only can give, if you have.

It happens again and again that they exhaust themselves. Not only that, but they feel guilty about enjoying themselves. We are not talking about anything excessive. Just going to the movies with one of the girlfriends, or watching a ball game, and having a few beers with the boys. It’s not a question of feeling guilty, it’s about appreciating ‘me-time’. Not only appreciating, but enjoying it. Everyone needs ‘me-time’ – and caregivers more than anyone else. If you do not look after yourself, you simply cannot look after someone else.

Unintentionally care receivers often demand constant attention from their carers. On a visit to Germany I had dinner with an old friend and his wife. As he had had a mental episode, I asked him how he was. He answered: ”Fabulous!” His wife said: “I’m not fabulous.” Obviously oblivious to her strain he unwittingly demonstrated the root of the problem in many such relationships. The caregiver is the giver, and the ‘patient’ the taker. Both are unaware of what is happening here.
 
Another thing is emotional involvement. Talking to young nursing students I often tell them not to get emotionally involved. That’s relatively easy for young professionals. For the family, however, it is impossible. They already are  emotionally involved.
                                                                                                                                                         One would think there is nothing wrong with it. To start with they wouldn’t do this job, were they not emotionally involved. So, it’s a good thing, right? Well,…it is just that this involvement influences their judgement. All our decisions are based on ‘rational’ and ‘emotional’ aspects. A professional is more inclined (or trained) to make rational decisions, while family members are guided by the emotional fabric that surrounds them, hence their decisions are not necessarily objective.
 
The last thing I’d like to mention here is communication; more precisely listening.

Communication happens via a sender and a receiver. In other words: one talks, one listens. In real life, however, it does not always work like this. There are interruptions, misunderstandings, and assumptions. This happens in any relationship, and it happens in care giving situations. Particularly in older couples it can, more often be found that answers are assumed, rather than patiently waited for. The better we know someone, the more we are inclined to “know” what someone wants to say. But facial expressions might be distorted, personality traits may have changed.
Not being able to talk, talking slowly, or not being able to find the right word can be quite frustrating for the care receiver. Equally frustrating it is for the family member. Is it surprising then that sometimes the required time to wait for an answer is not given? In today’s world everyone thinks we have to do things quite hastily. But maybe the ‘patient’ needs more time to figure something out. Single words may elude him/her, or the structure of a sentence, which used to be a pure pleasure to construct, doesn’t seem to make any sense any more, no matter how often it is tried.    
​
It is a constant battle not to jump in, not to assume.
 
In closing I’d like to say that I didn’t pick three mistakes that caregivers are likely to make. I see neglected self care, decision making clouded through emotional involvement, and assumptions-based communication simply as a human reaction to a situation family members never thought they’d be in.
 
In many countries the health system does not give family members the support they deserve. Health professionals are either forced to accept it, or look the other way. For example: when drug and alcohol counselling the partner of a client is called co-dependent. Shouldn’t a caregiver have a similar status (co-something)? Let’s face it, they have been thrown into a role they have not asked for. However, they took it on without complaining, thereby saving the health system a lot of money. One could say that they have more to cope with than the care receiver.                                        

Isn’t it time we acknowledge this somehow?
0 Comments
    Picture

    Wolfgang Wolf    BSocP (Counselling), Dip. Cdm. 

    ​In 1990 Wolfgang had a major stroke, which he barely survived. It left him in a wheelchair, unable to write, barely able to stand, and talk. He did not give up and feel sorry for himself, but went on to orchestrate this change to his new life, and take control of it. While he recovered and adjusted to life in a wheelchair he wrote a book, an electronic, revised version of which is now on Amazon. After this he studied and completed a Bachelor of Social Practice (Major: Counselling) and a Diploma in Community Development.  
    While studying he founded, and still chairs, “Computers Against Isolation”, a registered charity which provides people who live with disabilities with computers.    

    Before his stroke he worked in Advertising and Direct Marketing. Today he is active in the stroke community, does 
    counselling work, and appears as a public speaker
    .

    You do not need a Kindle Reader.
    Just download "Free Reading Apps" for your smart phone, laptop, or tablet.
    Picture
    ​A compelling account of adjusting to life after stroke. Experiences, obstacles, and questions you might have.​​​ ​
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.